Procrastination has a meaning....good rationalization, at least!

The eyes are the window to the soul. Look around you. Nothing nurtures the soul more than the Divine Beauty of nature. [This is the quote I scribed today.] [Photo by Kevin Willette (hubby) on Mediterranean Cruise. 2007]
I know I have always been one to "wait till the last minute" on a lot of things in my life. I find I work better that way. A little, added pressure is something that drives me. Sometimes I intend, and with every effort TRY, to get things together way ahead of time, but it seems that all my intents wind up on the cutting room floor. Of course, I don't wait till the last minute to do something that would make me insane or make myself sick, but I do like the added pressure to get something done in a shorter amount of time. Usually, I find, that the actual task that I have been putting off gets bigger and bigger the closer to the deadline. Once I actually get started on a project, things just seem to flow and the creativity spurs. I wish that I had more control over that in my life. I have been doing better lately. Lists help! It seems, the more things I have to do, too, the more I get done. When I only have one or two major tasks to conquer, they seem to sit on the back burner longer.

Today, I sat down and tackled a commission that I have been "commissioned" to do.... granted it was "only" by my brother-in-law-to-be's sister---(just family), for months. She was in no hurry, so that put the ball in my court. When people say they aren't in any hurry... I take them for their word. I wonder if it was a "paying" customer, working out the terms of the price, etc., if I would be more inclined to get it done!? Of course, I would.... as THAT'S business. THIS is family! Yay! I am getting another sister or two, or three!?

Anyway, I think that after conjuring it up in my mind of what I wanted it to look like but never just sitting at my desk to "put it on paper", I was finally ready! It helps me to think about something for a long time although creating something, spontaneously, on the fly can be fun, too! I don't want to post it yet as I haven't given it to her, but I am so happy that I have been busy again in my studio! There is so much to do.... I need to tidy it up and get rid of things... After this past weekend, teaching a paste paper workshop for the Capital City Scribes, ALL of those supplies are everywhere in addition to everything else that has been piling up before my illness in April, company in May and major wedding project that needed to be completed by June 1st. Here we are ALMOST into July and my poor studio looks very sad! Clean Me! That is what I wrote in my "dust".... even though my HOUSE MOTTO IS:

"You can touch my dust, but PLEASE don't write in it!"
Till later.... Love , love, LOVE!

Positive thinking? Yes, Please!

Two of my "Pillars of Strength"
(My mom in white, her sister, Lu... in yellow--both "Gardiner Wimmens")

I am a believer in positive thinking. I probably wouldn't be here today if I didn't. I think I get it from my mother as certainly, I did not obtain that attribute from my father--for those of you who knew him. Although my mom's new beau calls her "Ms. Gloom and Doom", I honestly can't see that in her at all. Sure, my mother can be what I call "a-future-psychic-worrier-with-the-best-intentions-in-mind", but she certainly does not take the GLOOM AND DOOM attitude. When things happened in my life while growing up, they were treated with nonchalance... "oh well, we'll get through this (______fill in the blank______). I never felt that whatever was happening was so horrible that I wouldn't get through it. A couple of times, I almost felt remorse and bitterness because I was NOT treated with more empathy from my family members due to my disease and that I had gotten dealt a bad card in life. Sometimes I wanted to be babied and felt sorry for, but I would DIE now, if someone felt sorry for me. There is NOTHING to be sorry for.
There are so many things to bring one (anyone) down in life and if one let's them... they'll find themselves at the Earth's core. I can only imagine that it's not a pretty place. Most recently, after being diagnosed with yet another "detrimental" disease known as CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis related Diabetes) many of my friends and people I tell often have the same reaction: "What gives!?!!! Life is just not fair, don't you have enough on your plate already!?" I could "give into their heed" but I don't. I always am looking on the brighter side, finding something which is good instead of "Poor, poor pitiful me!" Life is too short for that!

In reading a book recently, called "Sick Girl Speaks", something spurred me into thinking how really blessed I am. Although I go up my mountain climbs and back down each day, I feel that God has once again given me something else that I will have to deal with (or else) and become a stronger, richer person in doing so. I have met so many people, already, that have the same affliction as me, although it's not CF related and is a little bit different, but there is a WHOLE other world out there with compassionate, strong people that have been dealing with this new found disease to me, for all their lives, 10 years and so on. They are all open and willing to help their "fellow" SUGAR METER checkers...telling me stories of their fear of needles, having to give themselves a shot each time they eat as I am doing now, how they have to keep something on their feet due to the Neuropathy that occurs eventually when your sugars are not in control over time and many other things that I had no idea existed. It IS a scary thing ... the fear of not knowing and having to learn yet more, monumental duties of CARE just to exist, but facing it in a positive way instead of "WHY ME" helps me to exist in a much happier state.

Don't get me wrong... POSITIVE thinking doesn't solve anything that is evident other than YOUR inner attitude with life. People will still give you sympathy and treat you like "you poor thing", but don't let them trick you into thinking that you're anything but POOR! YOU are becoming stronger... you are growing and learning and LIVING life in a different way. Yea, I still have my days when I can't get a handle on my blood sugars (which is so new to me, having to count every carb that goes into my mouth and giving myself a shot of insulin--HOPEFULLY in the right amount--to trick the pancreas into thinking that it is normal in order for my body to function properly) but I feel as each day passes, I am learning more about my body and will eventually get to the place where it's "old hat" and I can do it in my sleep, much like I do all my other, daily routine treatments and med's.

Yes... there are days when I wish I didn't have yet another thing to deal with... when I am famished and just want to delve into my meal after giving thanks, but reality for each person is REALITY and we all have our own to deal with. Looking at it in a positive way and nonchalance (like it's NO BIG DEAL), though, will at least make you FEEL better about it. It does me!
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This is my cousin, Caroline... we grew up together, like sisters. Being only 6 months apart... she is yet another one of my PILLARS as well as my sister, Cindy.

Stop and smell the "Lee Ann" Roses

Every June, I am blessed with hundreds and hundreds of blooms from my "LeeAnn" rosebush! It is lovely and colorful, the scent is divine and sweet.... I feel like they are little angels coming to visit me each Spring. I wish they lasted all summer long, but the Texas heat is a killer and they can't survive the spiking temps... in the hundreds...so I enjoy them while I can... "Stop and smell the roses", as they say! I used to sing that song when I was little and never really gave it a second thought, but as I grew older [and hopefully, wiser), it just makes sense. Life is so short and we all are going to die someday... It might be today or it might be a zillion days from today...but the most important thing is to enjoy what we have while we have it by stopping to "take a moment" to count our blessings. I have so many, though, that sometimes... I stop and forget to start again.... LOL! Seriously, though, there is so much out there which is good that sometimes we miss them because we are wrapped up in what is bad or negative. The little things that go by in life make the memories of a lifetime. At the time they are happening, they might not seem so significant, but they become locked into our minds afterward and are what we can draw upon in times of sadness or strife.

I know I use "visualization" many times when I am struggling in situations that I would rather not be in. It takes some time and practice, but it is possible to transcend to another place when you would rather not deal with what is right in front of you. I used to go to this certain beach in Hawaii which was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. So quiet, tranquil, serene and mine. It was near deserted most of the time and void of all children and obnoxious noises. As I sit here, I can transport myself to that exact "feeling", of when I was literally there in person. I engaged all five senses most of the time while visiting that bay.... feeling the sand, smelling the ocean, hearing the wispy waves ripple on the shore, tasting the salt air (or was that the remnants of Doritos on my lips) and seeing crystal and pure, turquoise waters. This place is so special to me and what I feel God gave me as a special gift to revisit whenever I needed Him. Having that experience with me, for a lifetime, is all I need to get through this life. Perhaps you haven't been to a beach like that, but I am sure there has been at least ONE memory in which you were engaging all your senses and had the most blissful, happy feeling .... perhaps the first time you saw your child after they were born or in a place where you felt at peace... THAT is what I am talking about. You have to learn to LIVE IN THE MOMENT, though, and engage in all your senses to get to that spot. Luckily, I have more than one to draw upon, but that "beach scene" is my favorite! FIRST, though, you have to calm your inner voice and listen to NOTHING. It's not as hard to do as you would suspect.

REMEMBER to Nap and.......

always, always, always WONDER!